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Fast Five: Lists from Cracked

December 26, 2012

Each week, The CSPH highlights information from some of our favorite sites that is relevant in the exciting world of sexuality. This week, we are focusing on five sex-related lists from Cracked.

7 Sex Tips from Cosmo That Will Put You in the Hospital

“#7. Bite the Family Jewels

Here’s something mankind has known about intercourse since the very, very first sexual act was performed: If in describing the act, the words “bite” and “scrotum” appear in the same sentence, something went catastrophically wrong”

The 4 Most Impressively Weird Sex Lives of U.S. Presidents

“#4. Lyndon B. Johnson: Accidental Pimp

…According to biographer Robert Dallek, at one point during his presidency, Johnson met with a reporter who repeatedly asked him why American troops were in Vietnam. Frustrated, Johnson unzipped his pants, pulled out his ‘substantial organ; and shouted ‘This is why!’ The craziest part of this story, which itself is nothing but pure, poop-eating crazy, is that it worked. That answer satisfied the reporter, like ‘Oh, yeah, when you put it that way, sure. Of course we’re in Vietnam — look at that dick. We should be in all countries. I’d be starting a war on space if I had a dick like yours. Come on, now.'”

The 5 Most Baffling Genres of Romance Novel
“#1. Centaurs

Do you like horses? And also sex with really hairy men? Well, now you can literally halve the size of your bookshelf. The romance genre has a whole selection of novels written for the only people ever to have been banned from My Little Pony conventions…”

The 5 Weirdest Reasons We Have Sex (According to Science)
‘#3. Moaning Was an Invitation to Group Sex

…In their 2010 book, Sex at Dawn, [Cacilda] Jetha and [Christopher] Ryan put together a startling theory — that humans aren’t meant to be monogamous, that we were never meant to be monogamous and that biology itself is what’s tearing modern marriages apart. And among the justifications for their theory, Jetha and Ryan cite female copulatory noises…When female bonobos are screwing around, they make lots of noises…so the other males in the vicinity will hear them. It’s…[an] alert to the other boys in the area that it’s party time and she’s open for business. Now, if bonobos are in the top two of our closest relatives, and they totally are, and they’ve never bought into this whole one man, one woman business, does that mean we should all try to Gingrich our marriages?”

5 Ridiculous Sex Myths Everyone Believes

“#2. Men and Women Reach Their Sexual Peak at Different Times

…According to Dr. Marc Goldstein of Cornell University, hormones don’t decide when you hit your sexual apex. People aren’t soda bottles that just reach a point of maximum pressure and then pop. Your “sexual peak” has more to do with your attitude toward sex and level of experience, which is one reason millions of awkward young men spend their entire sexual prime on a computer.”

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