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Q&A: How Can I Have a Fulfilling Solo Sex Experience?

February 28, 2012

Each week the CSPH answers anonymous questions we receive through our Fromspring. This week we are answering: As a single girl, how can I have a fulfilling solo sex experience beyond plain old vanilla masturbation?

With masturbation, as with partnered sexual experiences, it can be easy to get stuck in a rut– our bodies slip into auto-pilot, and we can find ourselves in a comfortable routine. While this is not inherently bad, it can be for those who find themselves bored. Thankfully, with a little creativity, self-pleasure can go from a monotonous item on a daily to-do list to an activity of fantasy and exploration.  As such, I have a few recommendations:

First and foremost, I recommend experimenting with how you masturbate.  Add variety by toying with speed, pressure, and positions. For example, if you typically masturbate by rubbing your clitoris back and forth, try moving your fingers in slow circles instead, interchanging small movements with larger circles. If you tend to have solo sex on your back, try sitting up or laying on your stomach.  Also, if you generally lie still while allowing your hand(s) to do all the work, you can try moving your hips in tune with how much pressure you want– for some, pumping one’s hips feels like imitating penetrative intercourse, which can add a little oomph to self-love.  Finally, pillows and blankets can serve as excellent tools in helping you change and hold positions.

Secondly, I would suggest experimenting with sex toys.  There is an abundance of sexual aids that can enhance pleasure during solo and partnered sexual activity.  For example, if you’re primarily used to manual stimulation with your hand or fingers, a vibrator or dildo for vaginal and/or clitoral use can serve as a change of pace.  If this is something you’re already accustomed to, however, you could venture into the world of anal play, either with your fingers or by incorporating toys such as butt-plugs and anal beads.  Some butt-plugs even vibrate, which can titillate the sensitive nerve endings along the anus.  If you’d rather not experiment with toys but are interested in incorporating outside materials in your self-love, you can try a little bondage: tie up one hand and your ankles, and add a blindfold for good measure.  That said, take care to ensure that you can easily free yourself with one hand when necessary; for example, I’d steer clear of handcuffs that require keys as well as tight knots, which can be difficult to untie.  Especially with solo-play (as in, play without a watcher to provide assistance if necessary), bondage should be done in such a way that you can cut the scene short in the case of an emergency.

Finally, if you’re looking to save money, I would suggest taking advantage of the resources you already have!  In this vein, I recommend incorporating fantasy into your solo sex experiences.  While this can be tricky for many people, since fantasizing can sometimes unearth desires people aren’t comfortable with for any number of reasons, fantasizing can be useful in that it allows people to explore what makes them hot in a safer environment.  Furthermore, I want to stress that although sometimes scary, fantasies are entirely natural, and moreover, are not necessarily indicative of the sexual activities people want to actually partake in.

In terms of tips to fantasizing, I recommend that prior to masturbation, you pick out a scenario that makes you hot, and guide your mind from scene to scene.  You may also find it helpful to have a pornographic film playing in the background– this may help with the fantasy by creating visual stimulation, as well as increase the intensity of the fantasy through background sounds.  Conversely, you can also mute the porn or minimize the window, giving you control over the type of stimulation you receive from the films. Along with fantasizing, allow your hands to roam in search of erogenous zones aside from your genitals.  Try to match your touch with your fantasy– for example, if you’re daydreaming about teasing, use feather-light touches; if your desires are sensual, move your hands in a firm, leisurely stroke; and if your desires are rough, try pinching and smacking your thighs and chest.  You can also incorporate outside materials such as ice, silken scarves, feathers, and outfits that coincide with your fantasy (which can help put you into the appropriate mindset).